Nothing is good or bad.

In life there will always be high moments and low moments. High chapters and low chapters. Maybe it will be more balanced out later on. The ebbs and flow of life. It will be so whateveer circumstance you're in. The deep lessons have been learned. I have arrived. Life continues. Love is always here. 'God' is this very thing now.

I'm multi-dimensional. I'm not limited to one form. I can take on many. My abilities in every sector can always be developed.

Before fame, I'm simply desire a good life.

Environment, peaceful existence, friends, arts, making money.

Tripped out tripped in

My psyche screams I need work. It's true. This reality. This is what we have to do.

My life needs to be whole. Work & money gives your life foundation. Arts, travel and everything else is a second layer on top. Arts career is very unstable unless you're initiated to the top of the pyramid.

My art creation still holds alot of spiritual power.

Why did my psyche tell me to go Berlin? The deeper reason? Growth.

If it doesn't make sense now it will make sense later

Wake up from the fog and keep going navigate and find what you need to do.

Can I dream again?
What is my new dream?
Live in a spacious amazing apartment in Saigon, working, hosting freestyle dance & music sessions, connecting with friends. Travel to other countries to refresh the energy.

To be with a real loving beautiful super leng partner.

For my days to be busy & fulfilling.

Is there a dream in London I can dream of?
Super connection with a leng ting. Great understanding, acceptance and unconditional love for each other.
Can I still do something with dance? Maybe... I need to learn how to code my life. Properly.

Ha? Who coded the code within the code within the code? Life is not a computer. Did you create the world? You can be an engineer but don't have to be. You can be the driver. Are you driving? Are you living? Are you letting your energy flow? Are you choosing life everyday? Connect with the handful. Fuck the collective. Just be in peace. Gradually figure things out

It's either 3 options: 1. Get work, save up - go to Vietnam, work and create in spare time 2. Professional Dancer? In UK? In Prague? In Berlin? I can't be asked, the scene isn't really inspiring me. I enjoy dance for myself. I'll create dope spaces, and dope art, and share it - for myself, and those on the same frequency. 3. Something will able to get me money somehow.... I don't know what.... but something. 4. I've realised my childlike patterns and my adult patterns - getting a balance. 5. The money has to be made - I want to make it in the aligned way. The vibe has to be blissed, flowing and harmonious.

My mind has been cleared.
I feel in harmony with the universe once again.

Vietnamese Playlist is so good pure vibes healing.

I know nothing. Do I sleep to escape reality or am I just tired and need more rest? I know I lost my mind. Insanity. If I was insane then, I guess I was insane always. Well like, sanity is your core, but then a insane overlay, and then another sane on top. If I was fully sane, I would have made a fully sane choice. I should have listened to my feelings to keep the apartment. I should have just taken a trip somewhere. Should have, would have, could have. My mind repeats this everyday. Can this dungeon be different ? Can there be a smoother way to get out of here? Can I just relax my mind. When can I be cured. When can I feel okay and myself again?

There's 3 options:
1. Wait until your location has changed.
2. When you finally land streams of income.
3. Now Here Now - transcend location, material, external - connect with Eternal Spirit.

Always moving, I'm everywhere at once.
Always still, I'm always in the same place.

What a life, to wake up everyday with thoughts of suicide. My situation sucks. Maybe this council flat is cursed. Maybe this city is cursed. I lived with this feeling of depression my whole London life growing up.

My mind is absolutely fried but my heart is strong.

just surviving I'm far from thriving.

Leaving my place was like a non-physical suicide in itself

What a paradox, the one who knows humans can be immortal is the one who wants to leave this life

If I had a gun and just point to myself and shoot - that would be so easy.

I'm tired. I fell downhill to the very bottom. I fucking hate my life. I fucked up my life. I'm so stupid. I should hang myself.

I've been a loser my whole life. I'm so done. I'm shit.

I hate my mind I hate this life.

Maybe I'm cursed or maybe we are all cursed.

People are brought up in good households, others the rough

Life is tough Life is easy Life is a curse Life is a gift Life is not good on this island Life is great in Asia

Maybe I should sell my electronics and book a one way flight there with no money. Lol that's dumb like what you just did. You're just romanticising saigon. Everywhere you don't belong.

I'm not living life. I'm just existing.

my mind is gone

~

detach

Maybe I'm too ancient for this world

I'm too strange and out of place

Yh my dance and music is phenominal - but it's too odd and strange, why would people want to listen, why would people want to join my sessions if I'm unknown and unrelatable?

How can I live naturally when the world is so unnatural?

Wow this place really isn't good for you isn't it

Solitude is fine but now you're in your head too much

The world doesn't need the same shit, it needs something different and that's why you exist

You need to know yourself. You need to believe in yourself.

Cliche but it's said a lot for a reason.

Really know your worth. The Greatest Artists are the most odd, strange and unique. and it is often that they are rejected at the earlier stages until the world finally catches on.

With the Artist, transferring to a different medium of art, the value and consciousness of the soul still remains - so the developed quality of it is still there.

You don't have to search distances to find work. Work finds you, there's usually an ease of flow to get it.

One day at a time.

Focus on your art, flow, freedom, excitement, joy.

Syncronicity brought me here
What syncronicity is next?

In the dungeon, yet I have got the gems, what gems? Connections from Berlin, community knowledge, awareness of the moon, deprogramming, new music creations, deeper integrity, clearer mission, ambition and ego breakdown.
To navigate out of this 3rd final dungeon, the way out is the same as before, through working. Does divine timing still exist? Is there a higher spirit that's on my side? Are things going to work out for me?
Wtf, that job requires to sign up for a digital ID, fuck that.
If I was in the right places, I'd be thriving.
My dance and music is of high vibes and value...
What was my previous 'spiritual views' The Universe opens up for me Brings me opportunities I follow this inner feeling and take a risk To possibly open up the doors for me
I need to dream bigger This world is cooked and burned Under slavery Why aren't our souls alive?
Where's the opportunity?
You can create your own opportunities.
How?
Put your music out there
I've already put my dance out there
I think it's already served its 1st wave purpose
I know it's 2nd wave purpose
but maybe I need to carry out the 1.5 wave purpose
Connect with the small communities here
Your music will reach the 2% who will deeply honour your vibes
The 2% is a special set of souls to connect with


I don't need to work for Babylon to get my ticket back
I can be resourceful with my talents
As long as I'm rooted within my own value, I am good


I just need money to get out of here. What work am I going to do ??? I will find it today.

If I dream a next dream, what would it be? Win Lottery lol. What else? How will I make money? If I could do any type of work, what would it be?

I don't know man. This world sucks. Especially for me. Life just loves to make me suffer and short-handed. Kill yourself is not an option. The only way out is through. I don't know how but I will make it through with integrity. I don't want to rely on my Father or Mother for anything anymore. I'm really done, why does this world suck so much. Why does my life always feel stifled. What even is this world. Fuck all of this shit man. Fuck everything. Fuck this place. I was born here to not be here. I should be in Asia. This is all so clapped. Maybe I need to honour negativity more. Stop sugar coating shit. See things for how they really are. Working is not for me. Artistry is for me. Yet only artists with alot of support make it. Or artists who sell their soul. So where does that leave me? Where is my true inner voice? It's here, always here. This London Phase is just a Phase, its a passing. As you keep moving through the darkness within this moment, you'll eventually be in the next phase of your life. I really hate it. It's so shit here. Maybe things aren't really as good in others places too, but here is really dead.

I'm just typing the same shit in different form
What do you really desire? and what's stopping you?
Love, but I'm not in the financial position. My aura is dampened in this environment and lifestyle. I was dumb to embark on this journey.

There's alot of things I don't feel like doing, what DO I feel like doing?
Watching that movie.
We wish for sudden change. Sudden change can happen. Let go. Let go. Let go. Continue.

Life is a lot. All the feelings and signals you feel. It can be overwhelming. You could say it's important for one to sort out their internal self, rather than cling onto external things while the internal is in disarray. Maybe the good things had to go in order for a greater form to come later on. For now we are in this reality. Maybe I carried a stupidness my whole life, mixed with illusions casted onto me. Despite my mind not being perfect, I still have awareness and a pure heart. Despite me losing my resources, I still have my soul and I still have the ability to create. Create experiences: in forms of writing, dance, music, conversation, beingness. It's these very things that can restore your life to greater heights than before. Doing or non-doing. Now now now. There's the adolescent me who is faithful of the ahead of the unknown, like the fool - and there's the me who is grounded in reality and the known. It takes life experience, to create the being.

But bruh right now I really need to find work and earn money so I can head back and live my best life. I miss chilling in my good apartment. I miss driving around. I miss shopping. I miss the coffees and good food. I miss seeing my friends. I miss having spaces to dance. I got too comfortable and stuck in my mis-social patterns. I was too hypnotised by astrology. I lost simplicity of spirit and matter.

I just needed to trip out to eventually trip in once again. Maybe I feel like I know my place in the world now.

It's just this very chapter. I need help. Maybe I should follow the teachings of Yeshua, pray for what you need, and embody the feeling of already receiving. Whether it works or not, might as well try.

Is liking someone enough? It should be that simple right? or do frequencies have to align? What kind of frequencies? Frequencies like comfortability, overstandings of life, music tastes, art tastes, mindsets, chemistry, physical attraction. Can't just liking someone be enough? Or does everything have to align?

Usually I'm more sensitive towards life - but this can cause me to just hide and maneuver. What if I moved with courage for 40 days? No hesitation. Maybe I should have a balance. Weigh up the logical outcomes, and then back it up feeling the heart - and just go for it break the pattern. Because what is leading you? Love or fear? Logical & intuitive.
Why can't love be so simple? It is. When the love is all within you, it is fine. Should I go for her or not? Is it love or lust? Is it true or a projection. Read the room not your fantasies, things were premature, and some external barriers were weird. I can see it working and I can also see it not working. Depends how truly myself I am. The more I'm truly myself, the better the outcomes.

Quiet voice, Loud voice. They say the quiet voice is the voice of kami, and the loud voice is the sound of the devil. My mindset back then, still had the illusion of seperation and loneliness, still really believed in moon astrologies such as vedic & chinese zodiac, I believed in the year of the horse superstitions from online sources, yeah I felt a change but that was due to commiting to a big ritual, leaving job, experiencing a new timeline, travelling to new places - that's not due to the fire horse, that's due to me.

The feeling normal people get before they feel lonely or bored, they call people, they initiate connection. Growing up as an only child, conversations not really happening at home, no consistent social connection outside of school - I've naturally grown up with non social habits, but growing up further in different environments has helped me develop my social overstandings.

Human design is fucked up because it can stop people from executing their full potiential, limiting them into a system. Same with the chinese zodiac and vedic astrology. Our infinite spirit cannot be limited to these systems. Matter can be measurable but spirit is immeasurable.

My mind was heavily programmed, but now I've had the time to deprogram it through the trip and having the free time here. It was a loud voice 'the Spirit of Vietnam' telling me that I didn't belong in Vietnam anymore and that I had to leave, it felt like a big wind. Yet I should have talked to someone about it, well I did - but the sense of urgency, stagnation, loud voices, flow, moon programs & ambition made me shift. My inner soul journey has gained greatly from this journey. Your private inner soul journey is your life. Everything on the outside is like pixels on the computer screen. They are forming and disintergrating, like sand makes sand castles and then dissolves in the waves. Your inner experience is your life. Invest in it. Take care of it. Honor it
Things on the outside: environment, materials, ambitions, money, social media, friends, family.
Yet family & friends are like a bridge between the internal and external - as they have soul/spirit too, so connecting expands our own - and also work like portals.
I've had a heavy deprogram of unnecessary systems, understand life more, understand myself more.

Life has different sections: connecting, work, creative, abilities, exploration, health. Then spirit (mindfulness, compassion, play, light-heartedness, courage) flows through all those areas. There are different worlds, can you master each world that you're currently in?

In the ancient world, these sections still existed. Yet there was less work, due to the non-existence of tax and rent. The world was more free just as the birds are. You can still have your base yet you're able to maneuver the world too without restriction.

We live in this currently reality, one day it will change and become more efficient, but for now we just have to find the middle path, adapt and balance. Experience this reality for the now being.

I heard a conspiracy theory that this world was a created for fallen angels to heal. This world is either one of these 2 things: it really is that place so we just need to do what we can to make the best out of our situations until there is a portal to ascend to so called higher dimensions; or this world really is the paradise, and we do what we can to embody our hearts and dance through the areas.

Let's go through it. I was born. I go to school. I develop an interest in kung fu. I go to school in the day and play games at home. I develop an interest in dance. I go secondary school. I start dancing. I'm very interested in girls. I dance with 3 dance groups. I do dance at college and have my first gf. I still crush on other girls smh. I learn how to freestyle, and also join another dance group. Uni was trash. I go to dance school. Have alot of ego deaths, have a new gf ew. New ego develops. Very free way of moving. Teaching classes at school. Graduate. Move in with gf. Teaching at local studio and first work at an agency (was horrible). Dance battles. Lock down. Chilling. Nature chilling. Existing. Indian Restaurant. Mushroom Link. Ice rink. Break up. Move to LDN. fell inlove stupidly. Olympic park work (very horrible). Southbank days. Ice rink season 2. First travel to Asia, Thailand, Vietnam & Hong Kong; Hanoi - Kyoka, Truong and Huy - Da Nang - Saigon. Back to London, ultimate crash out. Auditioned in Paris, failed. Chilling with wasteman, led to cut off. Discover Caraf. Ice rink season 3. Vietnam & Korea - dancing and existing. Crashed out - Philippines, clara and shadow - return to London. Sell things to travel - Netherlands & Austria. S & M. Plan to go back to Vietnam. Winter Wonderland. Beauty. Go Vietnam. Work as a Teacher. Less dancing, but more calling. 2 fks, 1 relationship. 3 crushes. Travel to Taiwan. Resonant energy. Another crush. a sense of loneliness. Vietnam felt on a loop - stuck on how to connect with others. Loneliness & over-ambition. Still stuck on projections and fantasies. Romanticising the unknown. Move out, fly to Berlin. New environment. Over-ambition diffuses. Money burned out. Return to Ldn. 3rd crash out.

So I worked in a waiting agency, indian restaurant, ice rinks, tourist attraction, dance classes and ESL school.

I've travelled to Thailand, Vietnam, Hong Kong, France, South Korea, Philippines, Netherlands, Austria, Taiwan, Germany.

My passion for dancing, it blossomed in Vietnam, South Korea & Taiwan. When the spaces are in a good vibe, I am a Master.

I should be doing it professionally, however when fishing, I didn't catch any fish, nor did any fish swim near my boat.

Women I've liked since Sophie: PeriPeri, Emi, Sisi, Mimi, Mala, Tea, Anna, Yahyah, Sara, Tez, Kzi, Cess, Shipi.

Best achievements in dance: hosting the private small sessions; connecting with gen & kim; meeting thang & quang; saigon, taipei & seoul. Berlin 3rd battle.

Sooooo in terms of dance, I've thrived in vibey studio community settings mostly. If I was consistent with hosting small sessions, it could lead to videos, showcases and theatres. Dancing for a company is very unlikely as most vibes out there are wack. I need to step into the role of a Leader. I do have leadership qualities, I need to put more focus on them and honour them as I haven't really before. This is why I haven't been invited on a boat - I need to ride my own boat. It would be good to earn money from dance; whether that comes or not, channelling the super high quality experiences is the main focus.

In terms of work outside of dance, working in schools has been the most satisfying, the second would be ice rinks.

In terms of women, I've been attracting better women overtime. Traumas from Sophie and then later on Tez & Kzi kept me distant from pursuing, but really I should have more confidence now to put more playful pressure onto them.

So now what? I either ask L to teach, work at schools, or work in a restaurant or an attraction. Should I link Tea? Money situations should be sorted out first.

So what has this whole journey been? Dedicating alot of time to dance growing up in my teenage years and young adult life - which the quality has blossomed in the last couple years 28-29. I have the potential to love as I am great but just have to get over those past traumas which create fears and blockages for protection - be more open and comfortable. Started with hospitality work but thrive more in education or vibey settings. Spirituality has been a big part of my life, but what is it really?

Understanding the true essence of the world and self. I was always great at Religious Education. Wiji. Law of Attraction Book. Jhene Aiko & Tumblr. Spirit Science opened up awareness for me, followed by reading Zen The Path of Paradox by Osho. I also used to watched a lot of bashar, infinite waters and preston smiles lol. green. Meditation. eric dubay. astrology. mushrooms. Tao Te Ching. Caraf. the school for gods. IG. key guidance.

If spirituality simply means awareness; or being aware of spirit, energies, broader overstanding; or invisible or occult or mystical - what am I aware of?

The fluff: of course like attracts like lol. Astrology is nonsense. Things are just going to arrive on your lap, you gotta move with life in order for the world to move with you too. Is your higher consciousness really higher consciousness? When listening to music you don't cut off the low frequencies and just listen to the high frequencies, you listen to the whole song. And when creating music, you could say your painting a balance of all frequencies. Taking big risks into the unknown isn't always worth it; balancing the past, present and future. Your reality is reality until the change comes, then that reality is once the past. The future is like a point of destination ahead, and the present becomes like a train journey until you finally arrive to that new reality. Once you reach that reality, eventually a new future destination will be ahead.

The juice & the ground earth: Oneness & Individuality - taking the middle path (seeing both, just being and maneuver). Mindfulness. Compassion. Sensitivity. Awareness & Observation. Light-Heartedness. Play. Silence. Flow. Truth. Immortality. Kami. Self. Breath. Integrity. The Occult/Hidden things of the world.

The mist of needing clarity: being a creator, dreams, ambition, love stepping into my powerful self yet am I being naturally authentic, money real or unreal - with money, when you have an abundance of it, the more unreal it seems as it really is an artificial resource; however in today's time, when you run out with no streams, it affects your physical reality which can then shimmer into your inner system which does make money real in that sense - money is energy to a certain extent but it's also something tangible that you get through exchange of service, help or goods.

Do we create our reality or adapt to it? What is reality? Your environment? Your relationships? Lifestyle? Work? Systems? Can you choose them? or do they choose you? It's both, and this is one of the realities of life. Sometimes you do get what you want, and sometimes you don't get what you want. And this experience comes in many forms. You can choose and get rejected, or something can choose you.

I can't change the shape of a bowl just by thinking. But I could possibly create a new innovative product that can sell a lot to the point where I can hire employers to help me; now people are using my product as part of their lifestyle and people are working in this new employment because of me - did I create a new reality? or did reality create through me? reality wanted the product into the universe, and the product was channelled through me. Do I create the songs? or is reality channelling the songs through me? I empty my mind of noise, and let Kami do one's thing. If I create the product and it fails, is that down to me or down to reality? If I create the product and it succeeds, is that down to me or down to reality? You could say both. It could be down to your skills and the way you code correctly - or it could be down to reality's timing and circumstances.


So spirituality in a nutshell - its awareness, awareness of: energies, the subtle, the sensitive, the undercurrents, the hidden, the unseen, light-heartedness, wholeness, kami.

I need to lock in and connect with who is presently available to me. I'm in this destination now so I should work & connect with this destination as best as it can be.

Reality is:
Environment: Ldn
Work: Dance Teacher, Teaching Assistant, Vibey Venue Helper
Relationships: S, F, M, T, D, K, J, P
Creativity/Play: Website, Music, Dance

Okay I really need a plan now. 3 plans. One for adapting my life now. One for life in the next destination. One for the income. What are these plans for? Towards change, a better life and present peace feeling good feeling powerful.
My current location may dampen me - but it is what it is. This moment. This very moment. I can transcend it and become my strongest at will.

Now: stay rooted in your heart space; do 3 things different each day; connect with at least 3 different people, can be online but onlife is better and Real; play music that makes you alive
Income: still have a look online, connect with L, still keep the dream alive and be open to opportunities
Later: you'll get there when you get there.

Kami, why? Why have you placed me alone for so long. Why do you make me take these alternative routes to take me back to where I was? What is it all for? To experience? Yet these experiences are so dry, and the good experiences only come in fractions...

Kami: Because it's all for the development of your inner maturity my son. You came here to experience life on earth and to help it - this is simply the process of your blueprint.

Gah, it's so dry and rough though, why couldn't it be as fun and exciting as how other people are experiencing their lives?

Kami: You wouldn't be who you are without the dark experiences you go through. Everyone has them to their own degrees, and you'll never see it because it's in the dark.

Why do you allow these demonic parasites to rule the earth and do bad things?

Kami: They've been really manipulative and cunning with twisting the natural laws so they're just about able to do the evil things they are doing. However, their time is coming to an end. The pure hearted will transcend, be protected and prosper - will eventually get the higher gain long term.

What should I do with my days?

Kami: Stay rooted in your heart space ever-presently. Follow your flow. Really be grounded in this moment. You can wait for things to open up or open up what is already here. Your music & dance can make a great shift to your own life & the life of others. Your life is unique, embrace it

What are dreams really? I'd like to know the true answer
Just hallucinations or is there something really behind them
I can explore and see or just forget about them


Who is the real me?
When situations are all well & I'm in a great state?
Am I still me in an unexpected rough patch & not feeling the best?
Am I me when I'm feeling genuinely optimistic and have a light brighter than an orb?
or am I me when I'm in the depths of my own darkness not for anyone to see?

You could say all of it is me
You and life aren't 2D
Am I still worthy of love & desires?
That's a birthright

I'm gone and simultaneously here

Nothingness. Limbo.
If I was rich and free - what would I do? Return to my apartment, chill, drive, see people, work.
I'm so alone.
Do I reach out? or just be where I am
This was a huge mistake, all unnecessary
Why did I have that dream? It's just desires
Reality is reality
I should just be still and breathe more
Computers
Existence is existence
Life is so life
This flat really isn't good for me
I should have stayed
This is super rough
All my life, I've just been out of place
I made such a silly decision
How do I get out of it?
Where do I really belong?
So tripped out
Be hopeful for a reality that is so far away?
Fuck this life fuck this dumb system
or I could say fuck myself
This kind of world was not built for you
No one cares about you
Yes they do
You're rubbish
Not really
LIMBO
NO ESCAPE
PRISON
stfu

My new passport just came
I wonder where my life will be when my passport expires
2036
Where would I be living
Who would I be with
Would I have children
What adventures and experiences would I go through within that time
What changes will happen
Fiction & Concepts

I'm only back here because I made a mistake lol
Do I really want to be here and be involved with this scene? Not really. maybe I should be more open minded
I just need my plain ticket and rent money and then dip
Fafafaaaaaaak
I can't believe how dumb I've been
How can I flush everything down the toilet like that
You can slap yourself a million times but what is done is done
You are alive, you have life, so just keep moving forward

I know nothing

Less screens more meditation.

Life huh what is life. The ups and downs of it all. The disatisfaction and tiredness. & then within a click one can be okay again. From drowning in the abyss to being content in one's situation. I hope there's a silver lining to all of this... I feel like I'm becoming more whole within yet distant from the whole world. I may be aware of the information on my Earth page, even though its part of reality, reality is reality. I miss the life I had last year, yet the me last year wasn't fully satisfied. Maybe I'm romantacising the moments, yet those moments were the best times. I guess the now is fine, right? I'm alive, everyone else is alive. Despite not seeing anyone, and in solitude majority of the time. I just want to be where I was, but where I was I wanted to be somewhere else. Am I never satisfied? or was I just blind the whole time til now? I understand my past self, and I understand myself now.

Following your dreams. Thats what I wanted to talk about. I did follow my dreams, but maybe a bit too blindly, with a bit too much optimism and faith. I'm understanding the inner growth & maturation I'm getting out of this experience - yet it feels like I'm in the dungeon again for the 3rd time in my life but now on a harder level. Maybe I'm just perceiving things. Maybe things are really chill. Solitude can get me feeling loco at times though - it comes in waves - but this has been my whole life majority of the time. But here is a bit more intense. Oh well. How can I pursue my dreams if there's no openings. I never felt so detached from my dreams since leaving - is this a blissing or a curse. I'm at more peace, I'd like to pursue something different than I did last time. Yet I can't do it right now in the location I'm at.

How long will I be on this island?! Literally the driest place ever.
ETERNAL ETERNAL ETERNAL. I'm here. Eternal Life yes yes. Here & Now yes yes. Nothing is happening this very moment so just chill yes yes. Existence is existence we exist forever eternal being. The world is so big everyone lives their own reality yet of reality. What is my reality? Different to yours, but probably mostly the same. Same Same.